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Thursday, September 29, 2005

"This week I are be mostly resurrecting the blog."

Not sure why... I'll probably end up just forgetting to do it again. I just cut my lip, and my blood tastes like liver. Why is it everything tastes of liver this week? First it was the cup of tea, then it was the popcorn, now it's my blood. Maybe I should eat some liver and see if it tastes of liver.

Being rich sucks. Mainly due to the fact I now cannot spend any of my money. I just forked out £1500 for a new laptop which should be arriving some time in the next couple of weeks.

So if anyone wants to buy a new computer (or just parts of it) gimme a shout. There's a nice near new 22" screen (impulse buy) some swanky speakers, some other stuff which I can't really explain and all that jazz.

I think now, instead of teasers, I'm just going to put up a joke each week. Its much easier.

JOKE!

Mum walked into the bathroom one day & found young Johnny furiously scrubbing his penis with a toothbrush and toothpaste. "What the hell do you think you're doing, young man!" she exclaimed. "Don't try to stop me!" Johnny warned. "I'm gonna do this three times a day, because there's no way I'm gonna get a cavity that looks and smells as bad as my sister's."

Monday, January 10, 2005

"This week I are mostly pissing off Germany"...

Remind me never again to make a joke when there is a German person involved. Even less a teacher from Germany. I learned a very valuable lesson in the last week - Germans really do not get my subtly outrageous humour.

For those of you pretty much still in the dark, here's a rough guide to the whole affair:

  • I am currently taking part on the German exchange.
  • For the exchange, a personal profile is required.
  • With a "little" help I made my profile. However, during this crucial production stage, I added a number of little witicisms in my work.
  • It was only after Mrs. Brooker got "Die Sauere E-mail von Deutschland" that I found out I had forgotten to delete said comments.
  • The comments? I mentioned something along the lines of "I enjoy getting totally 'blau' at weekends", and "You don't want to meet my siblings, they have the mental age of a 4 year old, or an amoeba."
  • The result? The whole trivial affair seems to be blown completely out of context by the "Powers" of the school. Mrs Brooker simply asked me to repair the gaping rift in Germany, where my fatal joke had hit. But behind my back, she phoned Mrs Venning personally, who then came and gave me the "Right Royal Rollicking".
The situation now? I basically sent an e-mail (begrudgingly) apologising to Frau Haak. But the damage has already been done. Will I be able to set foot on German soil without the risk of being arrested by the Gestapo, or whatever it is they have over there nowadays.

On a lighter note, I have my driving test on the 24th. Thats two weeks from now. Which means... Trowell will be driving in 2 weeks! *Much rejoicing*...

My new years resolution this year? Blog more, and this time I mean it. So I will be updating this place every monday.

I'm going for a more varied challenge this week. Make me a picture. A nice picture. But hold your tongues before you say "How O' Trowell? How?". Use letters. Here's one I made earlier.

*
**
**O*
*****
****
***
*
**
******

Its a fish. Honest. Now its your turn.

So in true TV style, over to you.

Saturday, October 09, 2004

"This week are I mostly being rich"

Money. God bless the sweet sweet series of numbers which bring happiness to so many people. I got paid a while back - been a long time I know. And during that time I was most happy. At least on the outside. Inside I was filled with hate and rage and coldness.

I've managed to spend most of the cash and am down to my last £180 - at least until the 28th. Now I need to save up for insurance and cars etc. Unfortunately my measly wages won't cover the cost of buying, insuring and running a BMW 320d (cries). Maybe one day.

Can't think of a teaser this week unfortunately. So instead I'm going to head down the creativity route. Write a limmerick - the one that makes me chuckle the most wins.

Good luck.

Friday, August 20, 2004

Pretty much an uneventful week. Guy dislocated his shoulder at work on Monday - about it really.

Last weeks teaser's (which most of you seem to have got right) answer lies in the theory of numbers that exist between all other numbers. That is, when you keep choosing a smaller and smaller number, no matter how small, there always lies a smaller one. Therefore, with the arrow, we have a infinite series that has a finite sum, thus the arrow reaches the target.

Thursday, August 12, 2004

"This week I are be mostly being bored"

Yes, its that time of year again - the "Summer" holidays. Well, they would be holidays if I wasn't holding down a full time job. The job's great though, its something to do. Its the hours of relentless boringness in between the working shifts that make the next 6 weeks so unpleasant. I can't even go abroad this year - Although a week out in California is looking like a possibilty if family pull their fingers out and return phone calls. I've even resorted to a couple of Airfix models to try and relieve the post-school boredom. Apologies for my delay, a number of things needed to be sorted out before I could find the time to update. Anyhow, the answer to last-last-last weeks teaser was as you all now know - Boo-bees.

You can imagine an arrow in flight, toward a target. For the arrow to reach the target, the arrow must first travel half of the overall distance from the starting point to the target. Next, the arrow must travel half of the remaining distance.For example, if the starting distance was 10m, the arrow first travels 5m, then 2.5m.If you extends this concept further, you can imagine the resulting distances getting smaller and smaller. Will the arrow ever reach the target?

Tuesday, July 20, 2004

"This week, I are be mostly being resurrected"
 
Yes, that's right. It's back. Like George Washington rising from the grave to feed off the brains of his fellow countrymen, I seek to rise from the blogging crypt and blog once again.
 
In my absence I was given a lot of time to give things a think through. I've decided life is indeed too short - and that the best way to enjoy it is not to worry about certain things. Despite my now calm and calculated way of life, I am not a Machine or indeed a Buddhist monk. I now at last have a job, working as a CSSA (Customer Support and Services Assistant) at the local Odeon cinema. Handling money, spitting in peoples drinks, watching free films and cleaning up Little Jimmy's puke off the chairs (cashback). Arguably the best bit of the job is getting to watch all the films that are showing, but I think I would probably be wanting to kill after seeing the 30th running of Harry Potter. Not only do we get to watch free films during work hours (provided we are on the floor at the time) we also get to know all the door codes.
 
But enough about work - that's boring (yes, it really is...). I'm currently saving up my money so I can leave this rock forever, possibly sometime soon. I've calculated in order to live happily in my chosen future home (Sunny Ol' California) I am going to need something in the range of $10-15,000. Now that equates to £8,092. Any contributions more than welcome, just send your cash/cheques/vital organs to me somehow.
 
The teasers are back, but with a new set of rules now. Firstly, Nick - you are disqualified by default for being a Guru of teasers. Also - you can shout out the answer as much as you like, its probably a better and more reliable idea. The winner each week will win themselves a lovely certificate or something. Here's this week's teaser:
 
What kind of bees make milk?
 

Tuesday, May 18, 2004

Ah... Exams. The burden upon the shoulder of all students, all 'ceptin those lazy bastards at the Grange.

Just a quick post to wish everyone luck, and a warning that I probably won't be updating this thing for a while (no surprises there).

Todays Teaser: What am I?

I'm a rock group. All 4 of my members are dead, one of whom assasinated.